Without Him
by Pili204
Summary: Hermione's reaction after Ron is poisoned. A HBP Missing Moment


A/N: This is a missing moment from HBP. It takes place during chapter 19, right after Ron was poisoned. Characters' thoughts are written in italics.

Special thanks to my good friend **belovedranger** for her encouragement and suggestions. Also thanks to **rKrispyt** for her guidance. And especially I want to thank **Mizaya**, for her wonderful beta work and her attention to detail – Thank you!

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"Ginny! Ginny, you'd better go to the hospital wing. Something's wrong with Ron," said Neville anxiously as he stepped into the Gryffindor common room and hurriedly walked to the table where Ginny and Hermione were sitting.

"What's wrong with Ron?" Hermione demanded, turning with a start.

"I… I'm not really sure. Harry said something, er, about Ron being poisoned," Neville muttered, looking very anxious.

"What?" yelled Ginny and Hermione at once. Ginny's eyes were wide with fear and Hermione was clutching her right hand near her heart.

"I don't know much more. That's all Harry said when I bumped into him in the corridor. He was following Professor Slughorn who was taking Ron to the hospital wing with a Levitation Charm. Ron, well, he… he seemed to be unconscious," Neville finished quietly.

"No, no, he can't be…" blurted out Hermione, swallowing hard and shaking her head from side to side.

Ginny rose from the table. "Let's go. I have to see what's wrong with my brother," she added, her eyes getting misty with restrained tears.

Hermione's jaw set and she managed to say, "Yes, and Harry had better explain what happened to Ron." With a quick wave of her wand, she put away all the books and parchment scattered on the table and hastily followed Ginny.

The trip to the hospital wing had never seemed so long. Hermione found that her resentment and anger toward Ron were forgotten for the moment and that all she wanted now was to see Ron, and to see him _alive_. _Please let him be all right,_ prayed Hermione silently as she walked rapidly to the hospital wing.

The girls arrived to find Harry outside the wooden doors of the hospital wing, pacing back and forth and playing nervously with his fingers as he awaited some word regarding Ron's health. Ginny and Hermione wasted no time in approaching and bombarding Harry with questions.

"Harry, what happened to Ron?"

"Why aren't you with him?"

"Is he all right?"

"Neville said he was poisoned. That's not true, is it?"

"What did Madam Pomfrey say?"

Harry turned wearily from one girl to the other as he tried to answer their questions. "She hasn't said anything yet, and she won't let anybody in. Professor Slughorn is in with him. I reckon they want to take a look at the poisoned mead that Ron drank."

"What mead? Was it a birthday present?" Ginny spoke quickly and in a high pitched tone.

Before Harry could respond, Hermione added worriedly, "Oh, don't tell me it came from Fred and George! Their inventions can be dangerous."

"No, it didn't come from Fred and George, but it was sort of to celebrate his birthday." Harry smiled wryly. "It was Professor Slughorn's idea. He thought it might cheer Ron up after he gave him the antidote for a love potion."

Hermione gaped at him. "Lavender gave him a love potion? Why?" she demanded, her voice shaking. "Isn't it enough that she clings to him like a cheap suit or that she calls him that ridiculous pet name, Won Won?"

"No, Hermione, it wasn't Lavender," Harry corrected her gently. "He took the love potion accidentally. It was in those Chocolate Cauldrons Romilda gave to me, but Ron thought they were part of his birthday presents and he had some. I don't really know how many."

"Harry, I told you to be careful with what Romilda gave you," Hermione reprimanded. "You should have thrown them out!"

"It wasn't Harry's fault," cut in Ginny firmly. "Ron just can't stay away from sweets. What I want to know is why did Professor Slughorn give Ron a poisoned drink?"

Harry sighed and stuffed his hands deep in his pockets. "Dunno, but I don't think he meant to poison Ron, considering he served himself and me from the same bottle. We just didn't have time to take a sip. Ron drank it first and then his eyes were bulging and foam started to drip from his mouth…"

Hermione found that she couldn't really listen any longer as Harry and Ginny continued discussing Ron's poisoning in low voices. She stood back and fell silent. Her face felt pallid, and she kept nervously biting her nails. Hermione summoned all her willpower to stop herself from crying, for she didn't want to make a scene, but she was truly afraid. Her heart felt full of fear and it ached painfully; she was so worried about him. She wanted - no, she _needed_ - to see Ron.

Hermione sighed heavily. _Ron can't die. He just can't. If I lose him… no, I don't even want to think about it. He means so much to me, if I could only tell him. Oh, we have been so horrible to each other. _She winced remembering the time she had purposely hurt him with the canaries.

Why did she have to send him the canaries? Well, he did deserve them; they were going to Slughorn's party together and then she didn't understand what happened. He started being extremely rude and moody out of the blue and then she had to see him with _her_, kissing her. It was too much, too painful

Hermione dragged her hand through her bushy hair in frustration. _I couldn't face him anymore. It was just easier to ignore him, but now I don't care anymore. I want to see him, to make sure he's all right, to talk to him. I want him back, if only as my friend, but I need him back._ She kept squeezing her eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to spill out.

Hermione had lost track of time. She didn't know how long they had been standing outside the hospital wing, but to her, it seemed an eternity. After torturously long hours, the wooden doors opened and Madam Pomfrey came out, looking worn out. Harry, Hermione, and Ginny quickly approached her, wanting to know about Ron.

"He's all right," announced Madam Pomfrey. Hermione let out a long, relieved sigh. "But he will have to stay here for at least a week. I need to monitor his progress."

"Can we see him?" Ginny asked hurriedly.

"Yes, but you have to keep quiet," warned Madam Pomfrey. "After the healing potions I gave him, he'll probably be asleep until sometime tomorrow."

The three friends hurried inside the hospital wing, walking directly to Ron's bed. He was sleeping but looked a little restless, moving about to find a comfortable position. Overcome with emotion, Hermione realized she couldn't stand up anymore. She was feeling dangerously dizzy and found her legs could no longer sustain her weight. She needed to sit down. Quickly, she found the chair closest to Ron's bed and sat unceremoniously on it.

Hermione was barely aware of her surroundings, as her focus was primarily on Ron. Around her, she could hear Madam Pomfrey's footsteps moving from one bed to the next, along with Harry's and Ginny's quiet whispers. Later, she saw the Weasleys arrive and Mrs. Weasley embrace Ron in a tight hug before heading back out to see the Headmaster. She heard bits and pieces of conversation but barely joined in. Instead, she kept glancing worriedly at Ron, hoping he would wake up. Then, unexpectedly, she clearly heard Ron when he croaked, "Er-my-nee."

Hermione's eyebrows shot up in a delighted surprise. _Did he call out for me? _

That's what it sounded like. Well, it wasn't clear, but it could have been her name. Could he really be asking for her? She didn't want to get her hopes up, but it felt nice to hear him call out for her.Her heart instantly felt a little lighter just with the knowledge that perhaps Ron was dreaming about her.

All too soon there was an abundance of people in the hospital wing; they found that they were quickly being scolded by Madam Pomfrey, who insisted she would only allow six visitors to stay. Not being members of the family, Harry and Hermione knew they should leave for now. However, Hermione was determined to come back the next morning, before anyone else. Hopefully Ron would be awake by then and tomorrow she would get to talk to him.

Hermione said good night to Harry, who had decided to wait up for Ginny in the common room. All she wanted was to get to her room, close the curtains around her bed and cry herself to sleep. She needed a good cry; she had been holding it in for too long. As soon as the curtains around her bed were closed Hermione put a Silencing Charm on them and then let out an uncontrollable sob. She was shaking with the strength of her tears. _Ron almost died! What would I have done without him? I don't even want to imagine it._ It was a long time before Hermione drifted off to sleep, her face drenched with tears that were still falling from her eyes.

The next morning Hermione got up very early, quickly showered and got dressed before heading down to the hospital wing. She didn't want to be in their room when Lavender woke up, let alone see or talk to her. Lavender hadn't shown up in the hospital wing at all yesterday, and Hermione couldn't help but wonder if she cared at all that her boyfriend had almost died. Well, _she_ cared, and Ron would know. Hermione had decided to tell him how much she cared and how sorry she was for their fight. All she had to do was summon all her Gryffindor courage, yet talking to Ron had never seemed so hard before.

Quietly, Hermione entered the hospital wing, glad to find it empty. Sitting in a chair close to Ron's bed, she let out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding. Ron looked peaceful and handsome. He had grown up so much; he was different and yet still the same boy she had met so long ago. Hermione resisted the urge to run her hands through his gorgeous, thick red hair. Noticing that one of his hands was hanging from the side of his bed, she gently took it in hers and moved it up to rest across his stomach. She didn't let go, the tingling sensation she felt holding his hand was too good. The movement woke Ron, who turned his head toward her and very simply and a bit groggily said, "Hi."

Hermione instinctively removed her hands from Ron's, looking at him with a soft, shy smile. There was a long silence before she found the courage to speak.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm all right." Ron paused and then looked at her more closely. "Better than all right, because you're talking to me again. I guess me getting poisoned has its advantages," he said half-jokingly.

"Don't joke about it! We were all worried sick. It was lucky that Harry thought of the bezoar, or…" Hermione choked on her words. Tears were beginning to fall down her face, and she couldn't speak anymore.

"Hermione, I'm all right. Please, just don't cry," Ron pleaded awkwardly.

"It's just that I've been so horrible to you and… and if you had died, oh gods!" Hermione was struggling to finish all she wanted to say to Ron.

Trying to control her tears, Hermione took a deep breath, and in a very vulnerable voice said, "I'm sorry Ron. I'm sorry about giving you the impression I didn't believe in your Keeper skills."

Her eyes locked with his, and she forced herself to continue. "I'm sorry about the canaries and I'm sorry about ignoring you. I haven't been a true friend, and I'm so sorry."

Ron sighed heavily. "No, it's fine, really. I reckon I sort of deserve some of it. I haven't been very nice to you either." He grinned slightly before becoming serious again. "Hermione, can I ask you something? It's something I been wanting to know since… well, for some time now, but you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"What is it?" Hermione's voice nearly caught in her throat.

"Why didn't you tell me that you snogged Krum?"

Hermione was caught off guard; she had never expected Ron to ask her that. _How did he know?_

"I thought you guys were just friends." Hermione saw Ron swallow hard as he waited for her answer. His eyes were focused on hers, trying not to look at her too accusingly.

A long, tense silence filled the air. It wasn't often she didn't have the answer to a question, but this, Hermione realized, had nothing to do with books. It was about feelings, something she wasn't an expert at.

Finally able to find her voice, she sputtered nervously, "I… what? How did you know?"

Ron opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get a word out, Hermione realized that she really didn't need to know and quickly added, "It doesn't matter now."

She took another deep breath and continued. "I didn't tell you because it really wasn't important or significant. I was flattered that he had asked me to the Yule Ball, flattered that he was showering me with attention when you…" – her eyes flashed involuntarily - "when you didn't even notice that I was a girl."

"I did notice!" Ron was looking at Hermione with an intensity he had never shown before. "I just didn't know how to tell you or show you," he quietly admitted.

"Ron, it doesn't matter anymore. Before the third task of the Tournament, I told Viktor I wasn't interested in being more than friends." Hermione saw Ron smile slightly at hearing her confession.

"Viktor and I are just friends, and that's the truth." She looked him in the eye and quirked a brow, "Although it really shouldn't matter because you_do_have a girlfriend."

Ron blushed slightly and bowed his head as if trying to hide his eyes. "I know I do, but I really don't want to, not anymore."

Hermione was surprised to hear Ron talk so easily about it. _Does he mean it? If he doesn't want Lavender anymore, what could it mean for us? _

"I was stupid. Lavender really isn't interesting or fun to be around. Not like you."

Hermione smiled slightly, and her heart fluttered knowing that Ron preferred her to Lavender. She knew it wasn't right to be excited about it, but she had been waiting ages for Ron to show interest in her. With a firm but happy voice she said, "Well, then if you don't want her anymore, you should do something about it."

Ron nodded his head. "Yeah, I know. But you and me… what about us?" he asked in a hopeful tone.

"We're friends Ron. That's it, for now." It was hard for Hermione to discourage him, but it wouldn't be right to start something when he still had a girlfriend.

"Whatever is meant to happen between us, it'll happen. I don't know when, but time will tell." Hermione mustered all her courage as she moved her chair closer to his bed and added sincerely, "Ron, no matter what happens, I never want to lose you as a friend, you mean too much to me."

Ron looked at her earnestly. "You mean too much to me too, Hermione," he said, extending his hand to Hermione, which she took and squeezed in a comforting manner. "We'll be friends always, I promise." He smiled at her and Hermione knew at once that something had changed between them, something important. She couldn't describe it, but she felt more content than she had all year.

A few days later, Ron was still at the hospital wing. Hermione had visited him at least once a day. They had talked for hours, catching up after months of not talking. She had brought over his homework, they had played countless games of Wizard Chess, and Ron, true to his nature, had made her laugh several times. They were friends again, and Hermione couldn't have been happier.

One evening after visiting Ron in the hospital wing, Hermione was sitting in the Great Hall eating dinner when Harry and Ginny came in and sat down across from her, deep in the middle of a conversation.

"I can't stand her anymore," commented Harry grumpily

"Who?"

"Lavender!" Harry snarled. She won't stop asking me about Ron and his feelings for her."

"Why don't you just tell her to ask him?" Ginny commented unenthusiastically.

"I have, more than once," Harry sighed. "But every time she goes to visit him, Ron pretends to be asleep."

Hermione smiled inwardly suddenly feeling triumphant. She had spent many hours with Ron, and he had never pretended to be asleep when she visited him.

"I wish Ron would just tell her that he doesn't want her anymore," added Harry, sounding annoyed.

Hermione no longer paid attention to her friends' conversation; she was too busy thinking about all that had happened during the past week.

The aftermath of Ron's poisoning had proved very promising, she had Ron back. Sure, just as a friend, but he was back nonetheless. Sooner or later, Lavender would be out of the picture, and then they would be free to explore whatever it was that was beginning to grow between them. She just had to be patient and wait for the right time. Ron was important to her, and now she was sure that she would never be without him again.


End file.
